CPSY Conundrum: How might one balance self-reflection with the integration of course materials?

In the Counseling Psychology MA program here at Santa Clara University, we are tasked with writing many final papers that emphasize a reflective component. These papers are a wonderful opportunity to explore parts of ourselves that we may not have traversed previously. Reflecting upon our experiences in a course and the ways in which the course concepts may have altered our perceptions of the world around us and ourselves will allow us to become better therapists. The better we understand ourselves, the better we may learn to understand others. Something that you may often hear is that, as therapists, we can only go as far with our clients as we have gone ourselves. This can be debated, but there is certainly no harm to be found in self-exploration through writing.

Still, it can be difficult to balance the reflective and more concrete elements of a paper. Many of us may not have had the opportunity to write reflective pieces in our previous schooling, especially not to the extent that many of our classes ask of us. I want to emphasize that the core component of a reflective paper is that it is personal. A reflective paper should feel like a genuine representation of your experience. 

When we are given the flexibility to preserve our unique voices, it can be daunting to grab hold of them. Even though we communicate our experiences through language every day, somehow it feels distinctly different to sit down and write them. Reflective writing is a more polished, more creative, kind of communication. It can be fun, whimsical, silly, and devastating all at the same time. In my own reflective writing, I have previously employed a potentially superfluous extended metaphor to describe how I envision the place in which all my memories live. I used this metaphor as a theme throughout the entire paper that allowed me to weave in and out of both the past, present, and course materials. 

By nature, a reflective paper is unique, because it is a representation of the writer. We share our thoughts and feelings and gift them to our professors. In the process, we better understand ourselves and they have the opportunity to better understand us. I have found that the best way to be successful in writing these types of papers is to try and produce something that is uniquely yours. This is a lofty goal, to be sure. To attempt to specify, I am asking you to embrace your experience in the class as it is. If the course changed your life entirely, as many of the courses in our program tend to do, then describe the ways in which it has done so. Conversely, if the course topics left you feeling bewildered or uncomfortable, share about these feelings. The experience of discomfort can be an especially interesting path to walk down and can be the basis of as strong of a paper as any. We are given the opportunity to explore why certain topics may have made us uncomfortable and how this might affect our practice going forward. 

I am not encouraging the sharing of thoughts and experiences that we might be uncomfortable sharing, but these reflective papers may be a good opportunity to push ourselves into the realm of exploration in a safe environment. The unknowing that accompanies self-exploration is inherently uncomfortable. We can theorize about how or why we may do certain things, but we can never know with certainty. This is where the integration of course materials comes in. We can use the materials from each course to help us make sense of our experiences within the course. They provide a road map for what themes in our lives we might like to explore. We can start with whatever stuck out to us the most, and work from there. There are often many points of entry, and as writers, we get to choose our own path.
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Our reflections of ourselves will inevitably change as we do. There is beauty to be found in showing up as we are on paper. These reflections capture a moment in time, something for us to look back on when we are in practicum, in our associate years, and even when we are licensed. We will be able to look back on our reflections and witness our growth and change. Self-exploration through writing can be immensely difficult, especially if we have not attempted it in the past, and the integration of course materials adds an additional layer of complexity. Try to remember that at its core, the paper is supposed to represent you. It is not necessary to repeat the textbook back to your professors, as they have already read it. Write as yourself and as you are. I have not yet been met with judgment for doing so.

About the Author: 
Nicole Bloch (She/Her) is a third-year Counseling Psychology Master's student. She has been a HUB Writing Partner since Fall 2023. During undergrad, she majored in English with a concentration in creative writing. Outside of her studies, Nicole loves playing guitar, reading science fiction, plants, spending time with her pets, and learning new things!